Lost Love.

Grasping for a love that’s left
Processing words that we left unsaid
Showered you with praises
Now all we have is basic
Do you still feel safe?
Does it still feel like the first day?
Said I love you but that’s past tense
Lies dotting all my sentence
I see you fading but I can’t let you go
I see us fading but I can’t let us go.

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I Was Engaged Once

I was engaged once now I’m waking up to strangers
Do I make her breakfast or do I let her lay there?
Good mornings seem so far away
Now I struggle to wipe the liquor off my face.

I was engaged once to a pretty little angel
Now I hang with strangers and don’t know what my aim is
These pills can’t even take away my pain
What’s the point in living if I can’t stay sane?

I was engaged once but love isn’t real
Gave me an illusion of safety, broke me then left me
Hope lost, I resorted to opioids
Put myself out there and you left me on the doorstep.

I was engaged once but that was years ago
She held me tight then She let me go
Showed me love now I can’t live without it
Suicidal Thoughts but I can’t afford to kill myself.

LOOPHOLES AND DEAD-ENDS(2/3)

As the tears finally slipped off her lacrima breaking the veil of concrete which she had developed over the years I realized just how much he meant to her. I had never met her father and whenever I tried to bring him up I was meet with ice cold resistance and a swift mood swing. 

So when we got a letter 2 weeks ago saying her father had died I really didn’t know how to feel and I don’t think she did either. As she read the last line of the letter, her face devoid of expression she asked me what we were having for dinner. It was evident his death had changed nothing and he was still not to be acknowledged. 

Two days after we got the news, having dinner at the Italian restaurant down the street she broke and the floodgates did open. a deadbeat father was what she called him. Raising her and her brother Tony alone after the death of their mother she described him as the perfect father. Then things went south when Tony died in an automobile accident. 

The loss of one more person he loved she guessed drove him to depression. He fell of the wagon, alcohol, drugs, women name it. Day after day the perfect image he had created faded into dust and every second she spent with him she lost a part of herself but still she stayed. 

About a month after Tony’s death, she walked in to find him sprawled on the bathroom floor, a pool of blood everywhere. This was the first of many suicidal attempts and she couldn’t bring herself to comprehend why. She had lost her mother and brother too, she had grieved and she had gotten over it. 

She got home one day to meet a letter, the content of it she preferred not to tell. She never got over the fact that he abandoned her, could not bring herself to forgive him. 5 years gone, there we were standing over a body, a single gunshot wound to the side of his head. 

He never did find peace or maybe he did. She still could not understand how he could fall so far down the ladder but she couldn’t help but shed a tear for her deadbeat father.

LOOPHOLES AND DEAD-ENDS(1/3)

The cycle repeats itself.Alarm rings at 6:00a.m,alarm rings at 6:30a.m,he finally gets off his bed has his bath and is out of the house before the clock chimes 7.He gets a cup of coffee and a doughnut at the Starbucks close to the cornerstone and walks 200meters to his place of work.10 hours go by and he finally leaves the office not a minute longer nor shorter.The box of pizza he ordered on leaving should be delivered right on his arrival at home .He had a spare hour which he usually used to catch up on his series.As the clock chimes 9 he hits the fridge,drinks a glass of water and off to bed he goes.

The cycle repeats itself but today it didn’t.

As the alarm rang he shifted lazily in his bed knowing he had 30 minutes left to wake.He pulled the Duvet off its corner,removed his sleeping mask, repositioned the pillows at the head of the bed and continued his journey into bliss serenity.The alarm did ring but he never bothered to wake

Random Thoughts 1

I believe every step taken in life all lead towards the achievement of one single goal.

This goal is usually defined by an individual and can change over time from experience gained, heartbroken and lesson learnt.

An individual’s goal gives you an insight to who he or she truly is.

The faster you find out what you want to achieve in life the faster this goal gets accomplished.

You need to know who you want to be before you can be that person.

A wise man once told me that an individual should not be defined by what others think of him that he should be defined by with what he thinks of him.

What do I think of me?

I’d like to think I’m different but the question I’m asking right now is what is different?

When can an individual actually wake up in the morning and say I’m different say I’m special??

This might never happen in an individual’s lifetime and it might.

Religion is a shield

Questions have arisen whether Religion be it Christianity or Islam has brought more good than evils

But a definite answer cannot be reached because our thoughts and opinions about issues differ

You want to know my thought??

Sometimes I think I have multiple personality disorder

Y?

Cause my answer changes with every single passing day

I tend to see things from different peoples point of view and come to a conclusion which will suite that particular crowd in which this particular topic is being discussed

So sitting alone in front of my class with my headset plugged in Listening to this is Acting Album by Sia

I’m going to try to give my opinion of life without contradicting myself in my next sentence without editing or erasing any single thought that comes to my mind

More like the 1 listen album that Djbooth.net is famous for

And we are on

Move your body is playing. P.S I prefer her last album

What is RELIGION?

According to Temmy (2016) Religion is a belief in a spiritual phenomenon which an individual uses as guidance in is daily living activities.

I thought I could come up with something better

I was at a Vigil on Friday when a pastor said our one goal in life our only goal in life is to make heaven

Bullcrap was the first thing that popped in my head when he said those particular words.

Of course I want to make heaven of course you want to make heaven

But my only goal in life is a very big exaggeration

I want to be able to live life to its fullest I want to be able to impact into my generation, the next generation and the next generation and I am not just talking religiously.

Christians are labelled Fanatics

Muslims are labelled terrorists

I for one love Islam and I love Muslims

Most of  this terrorist attacks might be carried out by members of Islamic sects but that those not mean that their actions should be used to judge Islam or Muslims as a whole.

Being a faithful Christian or Muslim gets harder day by day with development of more worldly vices

Alcohol, Women, Crack cocaine and a lot of other things

Beautiful Evils

This is what I call them worldly vices.

The farther I go with this the more I doubt if it’s ever going to leave my laptop.

Changing this album

Sufjan Stevens-Carrie and Lowell the album

We get intoxicated from the pleasure we derive from them and stray farther away from our goal

Its almost 1:30p.m and my lecture might start anytime soon and I am not revisiting this once I close it.

Religion is the best thing that has ever happened to mankind.

It keeps us sane, it guides us it gives us hope

Though some may misuse it and kill in the name of it

The joy and salvation it has brought into this world surpasses the amount of sadness

Our goal is to make heaven amongst other things you want to accomplish

Live your life to the fullest but do not stray away so far you won’t be able to return

The beauty of Religion is illuminating

Do not be destroyed by Beautiful Evils

 

 

A bag of misfortune awaited me as I awoke

Beautiful evils so addictive they never broke

Thoughts of suicide running through my mind

I can’t succumb I’ve lost something I cannot find

I can’t succumb I did some shii can I rewind?

I can’t succumb I stabbed a nigga did he die??

Turn on the music Turn off the drugs

Words the preacher said to me when he found out who I was

Say no to drug abuse don’t let depressants be your muse

Say no to drug abuse don’t let depressants be your muse.

MY OATH

Be without fear in the face of my enemies
Be brave and upright that God may Love me
Speak the truth even if it leads to my death
Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong
This is my oath.

REVOLUTION

I go to sleep with dem dragons
I wake to face my demons
Our population in billions
No one to answer my questions
Why do the ruler of nations
Not account for their own actions
Why do we care more for mentions
Than we do in forming good factions
This things obliterate my mind
They leave me angry inside
Why can we not just decide 
To fight and not stand aside 
Ignore the rules don’t abide
Go for a protest worldwide
And leave no hit man behind 
When our interests align
Combined we can’t be declined
Together we’ll change mankind
And a new world be defined.